Rain

So, I’m laying in bed right now under my covers, staring at my bedroom ceiling. By bed, I mean sleeping pad… by covers, I mean sleeping bag… and by bedroom ceiling, I actually mean the fabric lining of my tent. It’s 6:30pm on my second Wednesday in Guatemala, and it’s storming pretty hard. I’ve never been a rain-lover, and I definitely wasn’t aware we’d be living here in the midst of rainy season. Ha! I’m a sucker for the Lord, especially on days wrapped in a clear blue sky. God’s one funny guy, sticking me on a mountainside with no electricity for months of cloudy grey skies. Love Him for that.

I’m listening to The Father’s Song by UPPERROOM, and as the music sings, “Here comes my love now”, I can’t help but think about everything the Lord has shown me these past few weeks. I’ve done a lot of reminiscing on the entirety of my life as a “believer”. I can’t recall a time in my life where the Lord wasn’t available to me… duh, but I also can’t recall a time in my life where I let myself be fully available to Him. I’ve let him have pieces of me here and there. Sometimes big, sometimes small. But even then, my selfish need for control or my fear of commitment would get the best of me, and I’d just take those pieces back. I just felt a huge wave of guilt come over me, typing that sentence. I’ve been so frugal with Him. How lucky am I to know that my guilt is not welcome in His house of love. I’ve given Him all my pieces and have seen the fruit of my surrender this month. The Lord is showing me what life WITH Him looks like. He’s recorrecting my fallacy of life lived FOR Him. I’m His daughter, His Bechor. I knew that, but I can’t remember the last time I lived like I knew that.

I’m listening to the rain as it spills from the sky, but the Lord grabs my attention with lyrics that read, “From a father to a daughter, let me pour my love on you”. Talk about a picture of his powerful love. THE RAIN IS POURING ONTO MY TENT!!! HIS LOVE IS POURING ONTO ME!!! The thunder is roaring. I see lightning through the fly of my tent. COME ON!!! Lord, You loved me before I even knew what love was. You lavish me in your love. LAVISH?? ME?? I wish so badly that I understood this type of love earlier.

“Just close your eyes and behold love Himself”. Okay, I will. My eyes are closed now, and all I hear is pounding rain. I don’t even try to count the drops of rain falling on this mountainside because I know nothing will ever amount to His love for me. There is no representative, no equivalent. Your love is unlike anyone else’s. Yours is never ending. Yours is saving. Yours is agape. Yours is fully mine.

In this moment, as I rest my head on my mini pillow surrounded by the sounds of His majesty, I change my mind. I love the rain.

Rain down on me, Lord.